8 Realities to Keep in Mind When Writing Erotic Scenes

‘I want you now-’ he growled before he forced her onto her back. Even if she wanted to resist, she couldn’t. When he touched her, all sense of self-abandoned her and she molded however he desired. This time, he lifted up her hips by the crevice between her buttocks and upper thighs. Spreading her knees around his hips…

Then things happen… Unfortunately, I can’t get so explicit here. Not exactly my best, but a start.

So, you want to write erotica. You want to write about when people engage in (arguably) the most sensual and stimulating activity known to humans. You want to write about desire (and maybe love). Well, I know movies make it seem so easy, and erotica books make it sexy. But, in reality, sex isn’t perfect.

Whether you’re virginous or not, there are some things that you need to understand to write authentic sex. If you have experiences, draw on those. If you don’t maybe this will help. 

Don’t worry, the content will not be visually explicit in this article. Though, there may be descriptions that disgust you (sex can be disgusting after all). Nevertheless, there will be links to articles that are not my own. I’m not responsible for those; I’m using them as resources and suggestions. Read my full disclosure here.

Guys make sounds, too.

We get so caught up in the female’s moans, purs, and whimpers that we forget that males grunt, growl, and pant, too. They’re stimulation noises. If anything, he should be making more of them than her if it’s a typical encounter!

Guys orgasm faster than females if she does at all.

He can try to hold out as long as he can. But, if he has plans to orgasm before he’s desensitized, it’s going to MOST LIKELY be before she does. Not to mention 60% of women or so don’t climax at all. It’s safe to have oral beforehand to increase the authenticity.

Guys need recovery time after sex. They’re sensitive.

In our stories, we like to make the couples share that sensual moment together again because it was so amazing. Something that pornography tends to perpetuate. But, in many cases, a male needs recuperation time. Make sure to account for that. After so much stimulation, he gets sensitive to the touch; not to mention climax releases hormones in the brain that make you tired. Speaking of which…

Guys sleep after sex if you let them.

This stands true for females, as well, but not as much. The brain releases prolactin after sexual release; the same hormone that also increases during sleep. The correlation between the two suggests that orgasm will induce sleep. For guys, they release much more than females. So cuddles after sex in stories and real life may be a no-go. Sorry Ladies.

Sometimes, it hurts.

Virgins, I don’t want to scare you, but it’s a reality you may face. Sex can hurt depending on your lubricant-secretion and position. In stories, writers depict sex as amazing for females, unless she is losing her virginity. If she is a virgin (or being raped, in some stories), it only accounts for a short period of pain, accompanied by blood, and followed by pleasure. Not always a thing. Make sure to recognize potential pain for characters during sex.

You occasionally switch positions.

You know how you lie down in bed and you keep moving until you find a comfortable spot? The same happens with sex. There are positions that are more comfortable and/or more stimulating than others. While in many stories, where the couple starts is where they end, real sexual encounters more than 2-3 minutes (hehe) will probably have more than one position. Depending on your scene, you may need to reflect that.

There are lots of awkward sounds involved.

This one is always fun. Apparently, people believe that sex happens in silence, or that only the noises from our mouths are the noises to be heard. Not. Even. Close. Horrifically, there are lots of grotesque noises that come with the sexual process. Slapping, squishing, smacking, stickiness, queefing, sounds that come with sticky liquids and dry skin! When getting descriptive, don’t forget the sound imagery!

It’s not always smooth sailing.

We have really romanticized the idea of sex (go figure). We would like to believe that it’s a perfect moment; a culmination of feeling, desire, and at times, love. But, the reality is, things mess up. More often than not, you bump heads, you hit the wrong spot, you almost fall off the bed, you have an awkward moment. It’s not always how stories depict it. That doesn’t make the moment any less perfect, just less fluent. If anything, in truly romantic moments, awkwardness can bring your closer because you’re vulnerable and that’s something that only that person would know about you. In your story, if you have awkward characters, their sex will be awkward, too. And, that’s okay. Let it happen, let it be real. Most people are learning their partner’s body and likes. 

Yeah, I’m sure much of that you never thought about when you developed that perfect scene of sexy, steamy, wet and sticky nights in your book.

Yes, they will be wet and sticky in more ways than one! Just like anything else in your story that you want to be authentic, you want this to be even more so. I know this may be a little harder for those without sexual experiences. I recommend you read up more about the body, sexual science, and erotica stories to get a better idea. Be honest about it and make the sex reflect the true nature of the characters.

To help with that imagery, these lists from Bryn Donovan will really help.

• Synonyms for Intimate Parts of the Body, for Writers
• MASTER LIST of Gestures and Body Language
• 500 Great Words for Writing Love Scenes
• Master List of Words to Describe Voices
• MASTER LIST of Physical Descriptions
• MASTER LIST of Facial Expressions for Writers

If you’re writing another genre, maybe you should consider the other realities most forget.

So, what do you think about authentic sex in stories? Is there anything else that I forgot to mention? How do you think it is best to depict these moments? Let us know below and on social media. If you need help planning your story and scenes, I recommend you sign up for my bi-weekly newsletter to get access to free writing resources, including my plot planning workbook. Check it out!